Blaine Lankford on Hainan
"The 'Christmas Spirit' has even (I think that's a split infinitive but I don't care) arrived here in Wuzhishan, in the mountains of Hainan. The spirit is called "baijiu," and it's 120 proof booze distilled from rice wine and tastes just like jet fuel. The local folk love it and consider its healthful effects (like increased sexual prowess and stamina) to be superlative. I'll take their word for it. Anyway, the local merchants have discovered that Christmas sells, so you see a lot of Christmas trees decorating stores. They appear to be made from recycled aluminum beer cans.

I have attached a photo of my latest Chinese military acquisition: a surplus Jeep. You don't want to know how old it is but antique flatulents such as I will remember the old American Jeeps where you had to kick the transfer case lever while driving in reverse to get it out of low range. It's like that. It was solid PLA green, when I bought it, but I had tiger stripes painted on it because every time I drove by an army, navy, or Wu Jing base, and there are a lot of them here, somebody would stand at attention and salute.

I got it, mostly, because of the mountain road-cum-goat paths referred to as "highways," here, are a bit to challenging for most vehicles. And, because the police also refused to renew the motorcycle endorsement on my driver's license because I'm over 60--age discriminating swine that they are. The buffalo seem a little more intimidated by it, but not much because they still won't get out of the way. It has stiff leaf springs on both axles, so I'll probably need a hemorrhoidectomy before long. Do you know if medicare covers that?"